Right or In Relationship

In a recent relationship seminar, I learned that in romantic relationships we are either right or in relationship.  If we can get our awareness around that, it changes the landscape of how we interact, how we care and ultimately our purpose for being in relationship.  It can also be used as a framework for understanding how we relate to ourselves and our voices.

Let's start by breaking down the word relationship.  It is a noun, but not a tangible object.  The noun relationship is a nominalization, or a concept instead of something you can hold in your hands.  If we look at the verb, to relate, then it's easier to talk about changing our concepts of relationship.  Instead of being in relationship with people or things, we are actually in the process of relating to people and things.  This shift in language changes our perspective dramatically.  You and I and everything else are constantly in the process of relating, which, when realized, not only gives us the ability to make better relational choices, but shows us how much responsibility we are willing to take for our part in the game.

How often are you trying to make yourself "right" during the day, or during your music practice?  Yes, let's agree that there is correct pitch, rhythm, technique and interpretation, but on the way to mastering these elements of music, are we coming from the perspective of making ourselves "right," or are we relating to our instrument?  As you are on the way to discovering the master musician within yourself, you get to choose how you relate to the process - moment by moment.  A great deal of effort would be saved on the way to greatness if we choose to relate more positively toward practice, toward ourselves, and toward whatever is happening in the moment.

Take for instance the feeling of frustration during a practice session.  We've all been there, right?  Not only are you practicing music in that moment, but you are also practicing frustration.  Your brain is learning to equate practice with the feeling of frustration - they are becoming synonymous in your neurology, or literally hardwired together in your brain!  Would you really wish that even on your worst enemy?  Then why do we do it to ourselves?  My theory is that we have not taken the time to consider how we are relating to practice, and even more globally how we are relating to life.

You get to be right or you get to be in relationship.  You get to defend yourself and what you know, or you get to discover how you are relating to the profound gift of right now.  Our voices deserve to be related to in love.  When this happens, well . . . watch out world, you ain't heard nothin' yet.